He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize