Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
