Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
