dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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