I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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