your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I faked an abortion last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
