well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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