so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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