Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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