Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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