well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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