Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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