It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
