yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
