i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
