it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
