so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize