Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
