So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
