Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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