she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
