Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
