You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
