Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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