If that was your dad, he is hot
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
