A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
