Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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