How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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