Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
