okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
