isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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