while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
did i walk over a car last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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