It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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