sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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