I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
