I wish life had little blips of pornography
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
