i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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