im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
