I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
