i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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