best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
