Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize