very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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