Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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