Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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