i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
