so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
