You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
