actually, I'm a sock model
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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