If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
