life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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