she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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