Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
