I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
