I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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