you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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