there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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