How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
