Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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