If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
