My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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