i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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