Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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