Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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