Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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