If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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