Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
