FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Even the bartender felt bad for me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
