plz talk dirty to me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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