I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
wow bdsm is so cute
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
