Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
