What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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