I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
