Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
