Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
50% drunk capacity currently
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
