You just made me feel so damn special
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
