And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I wear drunk well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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